Leave Your Mother on The Bus

0:04 Thank you for joining us on the Winning and Selling Podcast. I'm Bill Hellkamp of Reach Development Systems, and with me is Professor Scott Plum of the Minnesota Sales Institute. And together we have launched Franchise Sales Pro with a commitment to work with franchise wars and franchisees to drive sales and boost revenue. We all carry voices from our past and to the present. From our parents, from the pastor from Sunday, our last prospect who brushed us off the customer who complained about the liver, even our boss reminding us about our quota.

0:36 They echo in the back of our minds and distract us from the person sitting in front of us. The problem is these voices always seem to show up when we're trying the prospect. Sell, lead, or negotiate. With so many invisible passengers riding along, it feels like we need a bus just to carry them all. The real question is, are you going to let these pesky little voices keep driving your future? Or is it time to leave them on the bus including your mother?

1:03 Pull over, step off, and join Bill and me as we explore. Leave your mother on the bus and other meandering meditations on episode 686 of the Winning and Selling Podcast. Well Scott, I'm always intrigued by your titles, but I never have any idea what you're going to talk about. I did clarify it a little bit in your intro. I hope that you're not alone. There are other people that are right. What the hell is he talking about?

1:31 Well we get a lot of good comments on your topic, so it'll be interesting to see what you have to say. Yeah, thank you. If you are a fan of Charlie Kirk's and you are saddened by his death, you are not alone. I just want to say, make God bless his family. Yeah, yeah. Terrible tragedy and one that could be avoided if we think about freedom rather than about having our own way. Anyway, all right. Topic one, the book club, The Power Purpose, we're wrapping it up today.

2:04 Chapter seven and eight, if you didn't buy it, you missed out, because this was a good book. My buddy of 40 years, Mitch Larson wrote this book and got very personal in these last few chapters. Mention the names of some people I know that we share in our lives. So interesting. Okay, Chapter seven is called It's Never Too Late. And I thought it was interesting. He calls it It's Never Too Late. And they talked about people who found the purpose in their life when they were six.

2:30 Wait a minute. How about the guy that founded it 92? Right. That's what was it? Colonel Sanders. Right. Yeah, he invented his stuff after he retired. He went around and tried to sell it and created his empire, as it were, with the help of others when he was late in his years. It was interesting. He talked about education in this Never Too Late. And so that's where we're going to kind of focus. He says the purpose in education.

3:04 And I don't think many of us have that clarity when we're young, right? We don't have a clarity. We don't have that direction. We don't have the understanding. We don't know the options. We don't know what we're good at. There's so many things that we just need. But there are people out there. He gives the example of Joel, a Billy Joel 14 at age 14. He knew he wanted to do music. Tiger Woods. Gosh, I can't remember him golfing at three.

3:27 I think in many ways his dad kind of defined his purpose. And we were a baseball family. All my kids played baseball. I liked baseball. I wouldn't doubt that my liking of baseball influenced my children to play. And then it became a way to please me, please the family, because we all played baseball. So I think the family can have a lot of influence on what that choice is. How about the question? Are you satisfied with your educational path?

3:59 So let me start off with my thoughts on that. I want to be a filmmaker. I want to be a filmmaker. When I was a kid, I got my degree in film and broadcasting. I made films all through high school with my buddy Stacy Holm. Stacy, if you're out there, give me a call. I lost track of this good friend of mine in high school. I'm the only person I actually care to meet with again from high school to a great degree. And I can't find him.

4:23 Yeah. So anyway, I didn't have any help finding my way that I remember. My parents weren't big into you're going to do this. The expectation, our families, you will go to college. That was a that was an expectation. We kind of went whether we thought it was right or not. In those days, it wasn't so expensive. It would ruin you for the rest of your life. You come out with a hundred thousand dollar loan sitting over your head.

4:49 You're dead. And then you got it in somebody's studies of something. By the way, if it ends in studies, don't take it. It's a waste of time. The school didn't seem to care if I ever got into my profession or not. I can't remember everybody in the college of communications saying, oh, let's find you a job in filmmaking. You've graduated from our filmmaking. It was like, Hey, good. You're done. Here's your diploma kid. Get the hell out of my school unless you're going to take an advanced degree, which will charge you even more for.

5:21 Do I know that association and continue? Yeah. Yeah. Here we'll get a vehicle every six months that give us more money. And she didn't give us enough. I didn't have the vision or drive a Billy Joel or Tiger Woods. So, but it may be an adult in my life who said, Hey, let's find out how you can be a fellow. I had no idea Scott after graduating with film and broadcasting how to become a filmmaker. So, so they prepared you with the education, but not with the kickoff.

5:53 I think that's a problem with a lot of colleges. Well, isn't that interesting how some entrepreneurs create a product or a service and it's a great solution for a problem if you're able to sell the solution to people that experience the problem. A salesperson is somebody who can compliment some creator that has a solution and bring it to the marketplace. Just like a college course can be the great knowledge, but you have to have in some cases a counselor to direct you.

6:22 Is this your calling? Is this your interest? Is this what you're you feel passionate about that you want to be able to learn and go into that? And I don't know if there's a lot of people that are given that direction and that advice and calling people are going, you know, you're really good at that. You should think about exploring that as a career. I posted something on LinkedIn some time ago and I said a person with specialized knowledge is not unemployed for long.

6:44 This is out of thinking grow rich Napoleon Hill. If you have specialized knowledge, you have something that is very unique to you that with applied to the right situation or problem delivers a great value. But you've got to identify it and you've got to have the courage to go and apply it. And that's that's what I didn't have. And I didn't have someone saying to me, here's how you get a job in filmmaking. The schools just in most cases don't care if you get a job. The only reason they care is now you can get money to the Alumni Association if you really have a job.

7:17 So, so I did take an easy way out. I had worked at Radio Shack in college and they offered me a manager job and I took it. I had a nice career there for six years. Well, I had a nice career there for five years, but I worked there for six. So that's the problem. That's common, isn't it? Right. The last year kind of sucks before you go. It's very normal. I did not go to college. I graduated from Crete in high school in St. Paul in a tended one semester at St. Thomas College and they wouldn't let me take the classes that I wanted to.

7:53 I wanted to take management and marketing and business. And they said, well, we've got to get you started on a liberal education. So we're going to study British literature. I'm not interested in British literature. And it just really turned me off in that direction. And I ended up taking some community college classes and I enjoyed that. I took an accounting class. I wanted to be an accountant when I was in high school. I took one college accounting class. I don't ever want to be near this stuff again.

8:19 I can't even get my QuickBooks to balance. And I was an accounting major in high school. My son's an accountant, CPA from St. Thomas, five years of schooling. And they didn't give them enough information to pass a CPA exam. Oh my goodness. The study separately for a CPA exam. It's like, if you can't come to a college and spend $200,000, get your degree in accounting and they didn't give you the information to do this test that's going to make you a CPA, then they spend their time doing for those five years. And so I don't want to get off on a college screen, but they're much more interested in having you pay than they are in letting you finish.

9:01 And St. Thomas was actually very good at helping my kids find jobs. They have a great network here in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area of graduates who will help new graduates get jobs. But in our day, it wasn't so common. I don't think it's that common in liberal arts because they don't know what to do with you. Once you've gotten your blank studies degree, they don't know what to do with you because there's no jobs in that field.

9:28 So you get to go work at Starbucks with your, what's his name, studies or your English degree or whatever. Anyway, all right. So the next step is purpose in a career. He talks about you being a reflection of your work. I like this. You know, you've talked about that before. You're a human being, not a human doing. You know, when people ask you, what do you do? We all answer with our jobs. I'm a doctor or a lawyer. And really, I'm a father.

9:57 I'm a grandfather. I'm a husband. I'm a human being. I like to play pickleball now, not as much tennis. So we identify ourselves by a career. He asks a question, does your work make you happy? Because we can get trapped in our jobs or where we are. Where we're working, people are so afraid to leave. I may have told this story before, but many years ago when my wife was first starting out her career as a physician's assistant, it was a fairly new position.

10:28 She and about six other PAs were working at this medical office and being abused. They were doing all the call. They weren't getting paid for it. They were getting paid very low. And they're at my house complaining about it. And I said, quit. Go fight another job. These people are not going to change for you. The only thing that changes a business from their practice of the way they treat employees is for all the employees to leave.

10:55 And then they better figure out how to keep the rest of the employers from leaving. And it's a free country. You don't need to strike. You just need to go find a different job that will treat you better. And four out of the six people went and found new jobs that they liked better. The two that were left. The doctor said, oh, maybe we better change how we're treating them. We just lost four out of the six people that we were loading all the work on. So here's the best revenge. Quit your job and find a better one.

11:23 Yes. Right. So anyway, I saw something like a camera where I read it is you can leave a company because of pay, but not culture. You cannot return to a company because of a bad culture for more money. Because the culture is what controls a person staying at a company or not. And it's a mean aggravation for 40 to 50 hours a week. Are you out of mind? Are you mind? Right. I aggravate me enough. Yeah. I chose this. So yeah. Yeah.

11:55 But believe for a culture, it's tough to return. Right. So the question the question in the book is, have you found your purpose in your work? And I have. I wouldn't have done this for the last 35 years. I had a few different jobs. I worked at Radio Shack. Then I was with a couple of other companies. And I was with Carnegie. I learned I really liked this training thing. I always like to be up in front. I could combine a lot of the things I was doing.

12:19 I even used my film degree because in my presentation classes, I filmed the people. So I told my dad, look, I'm getting my your money's worth out of this because he paid for my college. I had 35 years in this. And Scott and I, Scott has really rejuvenated me that are working together. The podcast is very rewarding and keeps me sharp. So I think there's a lot of good things going on. I don't think they're always end up monetarily, but but I really like what we're doing.

12:47 Yeah. Me too. Thank you, Bill. I love my calling, my career. And I really, as I've said before, I do not like helping people. I love. He's got hates people. He doesn't like helping them. I don't hate people. I just, I want to be able to have a common goal to a mutual commitment. And when they apply what I introduced to them, I give them information and content. They apply it and an opportunity that they have at their discretion and judgment.

13:15 And they get a better result. They are the hero of that. And they deserve all of the credit because the change part is the hard part. Well, the change, but accepting something that you don't really totally comprehend. You're risking, you're emotionally risking and you feel safe doing that because you have enough support, hopefully. Right. The application, Scott and I, over 55 combined years, it's that application of a new idea, the courage it takes to try something new and make it work that is very rewarding.

13:48 Yeah. See that happen. Yep. And then come back to us and go, I didn't think it was going to work. Right. Well, you do. Well, I thought about I have nothing to lose, but trying what you said, and it worked. Well, I knew I was going to have to report on it. So I better try it. And then I shocked myself. So cool. My good friend who's past Tom Wininger, you know, he would do a class and he'd say, you know, before we get started, I just want to tell you that I'm always right.

14:14 And people would look at you go, what? What are you talking about? You're right. Well, anything I share with you, you know, I just want to tell you that I'm always right. And people would get challenged by that. And what do they do? They would go home and they would study it. And they would learn something different. And then they'd come back and give him a different approach on it. And he says, we did what? You did that?

14:30 Oh, well, guess what? Who knows more about that situation now? Me or you? You did. Because you took the time to challenge me and to find a better way that you're more comfortable applying that intent or that content. And you got a better result. That's your result. Congratulations. You did all the work. And you know more about it than I did. And lastly, I just want to be grateful for those sewer jobs that I had. Walking beans, bailing hay, working as a dishwasher at Mr. Steak when I'm 17 years old in February in Minnesota and having to walk home when you're soaked from your shoulders to your knees.

15:07 Those are jobs that taught me how to deal with adversity that made me a stronger person and appreciate the joy of cold calling. Because there's nothing that compares to walking home in February in the middle of winter than cold calling. It's a lot easier to do cold calling. All right. Chapter eight is the life well lived. He's talking about legacy and how do you want to be remembered. Scott, you always talk about three words.

15:33 So let's talk about that just a little bit as we wrap this book up. My nephew is starting a new job on September 22nd. And I told him, I said, you know, Jack, you're going to be getting into an environment where you know nobody. You're probably going to be in a pod where there's probably three other people working with you on each corner of that pod. And you have a chance to be able to define who you are with your action and your words and what you do and what you don't do.

15:57 So I want you to think about three words that you want other people to use to describe you in your absence and live that reputation from the beginning. Think about who you want to be. Think about moving to a new town. What would you do different? What would you say different? What would you not say if you had the opportunity to take back some of the things you've said in the past? And when you do that, Jack, and you're working with a new group of colleagues, share the challenge with them, share the exercise with them. And then you can call out to other people going, when I don't represent these three words, could you bring it to my attention?

16:27 Because when we action the three words, we build a reputation. And I'm so excited to hear about my nephew, Jack, and his new job. This is his first job that he got on his own without using his network. It's great. All right, super. We're going to leave it at that. Our next book, Aligning Strategy and Sales by Frank Cessipitous of Harvard. And we had him on a couple years ago, a few years ago, episode 455. But what's cool is we're going to be interviewing next week about his book, Aligning Strategy and Sales as we kick off that new book for our book club. So that'll be exciting.

17:02 Our topic today is Leave Your Mother on the Bus. And this topic was inspired when I was watching Cheers, and I was also watching Frasier. And there's a scene where Sam is haunted by all of his past girlfriends and Frasiers haunted with all of her, his past girlfriends, and they were dating. And I thought, boy, isn't that very similar to sometimes a sales call? For me, I think about going on a sales call, and I think about all the pressures and the influences and all the people that I want to please in my life.

17:28 And sometimes I carry those voices with me on a sales call. And I need to be able to manage my focus during a sales call. And I just need to leave all those voices on the bus. And have you ever experienced this? I have no idea what you're talking about, Scott. No, you're so focused. No, I'm, well, I forget things easily. One of the blessings that I have is I don't carry around a lot of baggage. Now, that also means I don't remember everything I've read as well as you do. But I've never had my mother's voice on a sales call or last sales call.

18:06 Now, I do think that we should be thinking about how we can improve, but I do that during the preparation time. I don't want to be getting off track having things coming. So if I prepare well, then I don't think I have those voices come in. But I think there's probably a lot of people that deal with it as you do. So let's explore. So first, the three word exercise, I think first we have to build confidence. So thinking of three words that you want other people to use to describe you in your absence, that really creates a foundation of who you are. And when you decide who you are, then you're committed to that.

18:41 And hopefully that does not shake your confidence when you are challenged in that area. So I want to go through five points and questions to ask ourselves when it gets into these situations. And the first one is the metaphor of leaving your, you know, leaving them on the bus. This phrase isn't about ignoring your past. It's about being intentional with what you're carrying into the room. So imagine literally stepping off a bus and leaving those voices in the seats behind you.

19:06 And when you talk and walk into a sales call, then you're free to exchange without that mental baggage. So if you're thinking that this may be relevant, here are some questions to ask yourself, is what baggage do I need to leave behind on the next sales call? And what would it look like without those voices being tagging along? And then lastly is, what would my energy and confidence change? Or how would my energy and confidence change if I left that in the past and on the bus?

19:39 And just start with, am I doing this or not? Yeah, I've already answered that question. You're not. Yeah, I think that's important. But again, I'll emphasize that if we do good preparation, if we spend the time thinking about the questions and the direction we want this to go, we learn a little bit about the prospect before we go in there, or maybe it's another second or third appointment. We can leave some of that behind because I've already addressed it rather than it popping up by surprise during the call. You do not need surprises during your call. And if you're not doing good preparation, you're not doing the things you need to do to make a successful call.

20:23 As a matter of fact, our next PSA meeting, Jimmy Zuggsworth is going to talk about how to have a good first meeting. So October 3rd, October 3rd, Jimmy Zuggsworth is going to be a PSA. If you're in the Minneapolis area, why don't you join us? And just go to psamn.org and check out what the future events are frequently, and you'll see some great speakers. The next one, number two, is identify the voices on the bus. So think about the messages you absorbed growing up. Maybe you were told not to talk about money. Don't ask a lot of questions.

20:52 Don't ask questions that begin with why. You remember? But you know, a two year old, why? Why? Why? Maybe you were told don't bother people. Maybe that's a message that you heard. And those words, be careful. They just don't talk to strangers and be careful out there. Yeah, that is a scary one. Try to get a 16 year old to talk to you now. They're so ingrained in don't talk to strangers. They don't talk to anybody. So think about the experiences in your life that created the beliefs that you have that get in the way of your performance.

21:22 So here's some questions to ask yourself is what voices or messages do I still hear before and during a sales call? Where did these beliefs come from? Did they come from my parents, my teachers, my past managers, my past prospects, bad customers, a bad boss? And are these voices helping me succeed today? Or are they keeping me stuck? And all of the experiences that we have create beliefs and we're living those beliefs and our actions and behaviors.

21:48 Yeah, why is this got that we remember the negative so much more than we do the positive? That's certainly something in our lives. We have to be careful of one suggestion I might make is to put a file, create a file of positive things. And then you can see the notes that you get from somebody else, a pleasant email that you get printed out, put it in there. And when you're going to prepare for something like this, start to replay those good videos in your head.

22:16 And then you can see that things before quit playing the bad videos of when you're, I heard the other day on the radio somebody was talking about my father was very negative. Yeah, you're carrying that baggage around and you're letting that person who is negative towards you control your life even today. You've just got to do your best to let it go. Now again, as I said, I have the blessing of forgetting. And I think that's the same time. If you don't have that blessing, you're going to have to make much more of an effort to let some of that stuff go.

22:46 Right. Right. It's a conscious decision. You know, forgive yourself for your past mistakes and forgive others that have offended you and seek joy every day. It's really up to you. How these voices affect your sales performance. So old programming shows up in specific ways. It's discounting to earlier. It's maybe hesitating to ask a deeper or follow question or it's avoiding direct conversations about value and budget and price and money.

23:14 Sometimes we can even carry frustration from our past rejections into our next sales call. And that hurts our confidence and our results. Trying to influence somebody to follow us that we're going to be able to have an impact on their life. So some questions to ask yourself is, how might these voices be shaping my tone, my pricing, my confidence? What's the cost of letting these old beliefs run the show? And when was the last time I let this pesky voice control me on how I handle the prospect and what that outcome was? And now you know the real impact of these little voices?

23:52 Yeah. And those voices are bad videos. Try to focus on what you've done. Chances are you've created a new prospect. You've had a good first meeting. You've done these things right. Force yourself to remember those. And why did you have a good first meeting? What was it about you that was particularly good? One of the things I always focus on is I love, I mean, if I looked at sales and said, what's your favorite part? It's a discovery. It's that first meeting and having good questions. And so look at your talents and your skills and use those talents within that sales call.

24:32 Yeah, good advice. Number four is techniques that can refocus before your sales call. So develop a ritual that helps you reset. That could be a pause to take a breath before you go in. Maybe you want to say a quick prayer. Maybe a quick affirmation. Maybe you want to take a moment of visualizing a perfect sales calls and the outcome that you want and tell yourself my questions help my prospects. And I serve my prospects by better understanding what they want so that I can deliver the value that they're deserving that they're looking for. So create a process that clears your head and gives you more guts and more control during that sales call.

25:14 So some questions to ask yourself is, do I have a good pre call routine to reset my mindset before I get into that sales call? A short affirmation can really help repeat the center myself to be able to think about the conversations that I want to have before I have them. And then lastly is how can I visualize success of instead of rehearsing fear and rehearsing that what happens if something goes bad and we live in that fear and that uncertainty. We're in control of the sales call if we do the preparation bill and I really want to stress the importance of how you work with this because I think you've overcome it is that you spend more time in the preparation and the separation is in the preparation.

25:59 When you're more prepared you're more confident and that's what I think is people the results they want. Go ahead. And I think there's other things to do too. You talked about your routine two or three minutes before I arrive. I turn off the radio or the podcast or whatever I'm listening to and out loud I start doing my affirmations. This is going to go great. I love having appointments. We're going to get along so well. We're going to have a fun time together. The questions are going to be in depth and this person is going to be really these.

26:27 And I have to say I'm out loud because if I say I'm in my mind here's what it sounded like. This is going to go great. No one's going to suck. Just as soon as I say something positive my brain wants to say something negative. So I have to overwhelm it by saying these things out loud. And then sometimes you're physically really tight when you're in front of a customer. So one of the things I'll do is when I get out of my car I'll do some stretching maybe do a few jumping jacks.

26:52 And then you're going to have a little of that energy out. You know you look like an idiot running around your car but I'll tell you when you get into that appointment you're not real tight you're a little bit more loose. So, so do a little bit of physical do a little bit of out loud mental and I think you'll prepare better for those appointments. Number five is making it an ongoing practice. I love reinforcement. I love working with clients on coaching and coaching the sales reps on the application like Bill and I talked about earlier.

27:22 It's so important if the sales team feels that they've got the support that they've got the reinforcement that it's okay to make a mistake because we're going to use that opportunity to improve it and get that mistake put in the past so that we know what the right answer is. So think about this is not a one time fix you know these voices are going to keep showing up because they're familiar to us. They're part of our past life.

27:47 So each calls very loud. Yeah they are they're they're small but loud. It's a new chance to to create a practice of leaving them behind. So, I think it's a great time you know discipline yourself of letting go and strengthen your confidence and help you show up consistently to really do your best with some questions to think about is how consistent am I practicing this before sales call. Ask yourself how often am I doing it. I know I should do it but how often am I doing it when these voices point on that's got you can't do it if you get there a minute before.

28:16 Right. Oh that's why I'm always 15 minutes early always 15 minutes early and it gives me a chance to just kind of focus and and leave all the pressures behind. Maybe return that text message that I got while I was driving so I don't have to think about it during the sales call. I've got that buffer that planned buffer of time to take away some of the distractions that could have a negative impact going forward. And then you know what progress have I seen when I actively leave these voices behind.

28:43 So apply it and then think about how has your life changed since you implemented it. Very important to make this ongoing and and it's not going to happen once you've got to work on it until you shut those voices down. Yeah and if I could just add one more thing when it comes to change and this is separate from this topic but anything that we want to grow and change and if we want to make 2026 better than 2025 is think about what you are going to stop doing going forward.

29:13 What are you going to stop doing and I'm telling you that void will be backfilled by your intentions and the impact that you want to make on others and the impact that you want to make on your life and growth. So figure out first of all what do you want to stop doing. You'll be amazed at what happens next. Well and you've got to stop doing something to make room for better habits. Exactly. If you know if you look at your day it's 100% filled.

29:38 Some of it is good. Some of it is bad. Some of it is productive. Some of it is non-productive. And here we have kind of three months to practice. Let's try out these new ideas so that when we come into 2026 we know what we're doing. I know that Scott and I are going to be teaching a class here in a couple of weeks of one day class with some people that we've worked with before. They're having a lot of changes at their company and this is a three month integration idea.

30:06 Let's integrate these new ideas and then 2026 starts we're ready to hit the road. Don't wait for the end of the year to get ready for the end of the year. Right. Right. So true. I will have a link to my blog. Leave your mother on the bus in our show notes. So if you wanted to see where this was inspired by you can read that blog as well. Powerful topics. God, although I still have no idea what you're talking about. No, that's it. Thank you.

30:32 We'll wrap up with our golden nugget. He who has a mind to do mischief will always find a pretense. This is Publius Cyrus who's a Roman writer and a former slave. And I thought of this with the Charlie Kirk shooting, the murder of Charlie Kirk. And that is he who has a mind to do mischief. If I have a mind to do bad, I'm going to just find a reason for it. And I always, I think also of the book as a man thinketh where he says, circumstances do not make the man or woman.

31:07 They reveal him to himself. When the opportunity arises to do mischief, do you take it or do you leave it go because I'm not the sort of person that does that. Yeah. Yeah. So everything we talked about is going to be at winning at selling.com. So check that out. Next week, no book club because we're going to have Frank Sesbitt us on to talk about aligning strategy and sales. And then the book club the week after the episode after will be on aligning strategy and sales chapters one, two and three.

31:39 Please subscribe and share the podcast with your colleagues and on your social media. If you're so inclined, give us a five star review. This is episode six, 86. Go out and get better one skill at a time. Joyful selling.